Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
