he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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