That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
