I will die if light touches me.
I can text with my tongue
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
