I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize