That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
