I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
