This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
