i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
