Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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