I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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