ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
