I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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