Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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