Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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