hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
