I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
