yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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