So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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