I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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