This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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