Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
