So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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