thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
