Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
