I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
