Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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