i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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