Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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