She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
