i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
