don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
