there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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