Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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