your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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