my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
