Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
