I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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