That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
this just has baby written all over it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
