My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
