i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
