He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize