tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
