I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
