I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
