i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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