Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
