I think my vagina is haunted
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My life is pants optional.
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