We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
