His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
