Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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