I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
there is glitter all over my balls
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
