the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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