Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
