He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize