Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Every concussion has its silver lining
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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