Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
