so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
