my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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