So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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