I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
