i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
